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Chains of Despair

Written ~ (05/23/26) · Published ~ (Unpublished)

Uploaded ~ (07/03/26)

Past decisions I made, locking me in chains
So much I desired, now distant memories of pain

So many men I seek to confirm I'm something
Such surface connections, always just nothing

I yearn for a man who desires and loves with all his heart
One who touches softly and hates to be apart

My children though, tie me to my broken past
Every ounce of pain, so familiar and to always last

In this stench of wrong and horrid way
It's what I understand, it's where I play

I'll keep close, the one who caused my wounds
For at one time in my life, for him I swooned

Now though, his words of hurt scar my soul
He says he has changed; my heart takes its toll

I try to force myself to believe, but I know it not
He won't ever change his ways, he's human rot

But the child I birthed from when he planted his seed
I am his permanent garden, known when I didn't bleed

Now I must face the joy of my life and see him many a morrow
Every happy memory, reflecting so much sorrow

I look to fields, greener and so grand
Always forced down painfully when I try to stand

Unable to rid myself from this tortuous bind
So much shame and regret, for what I've done to myself—so unkind

I've reached out to touch the hand of a man that I so longed for
Such bright eyes when he saw me—full of vibrant joy, and so much more

In his arms I finally feel the rest I've craved
Is this true, can it be? Can I finally be saved?

But my chains don't let him carry me over the threshold
The chain reaches its limit, and I fall into the mud—heartache so cold

Covered in the pig pit of my own mistakes, he can’t grasp, he struggles to relate
I see him now, full of confusion, unable to understand my own emotional weight

I look at him, as now his eyes are hurt and scared
I've hurt him—I was afraid of this—he never knew I cared

He doesn't know that I would prefer the life he can give over this
All the pain and aching, the hope of waking—began with a soft, sweet, kiss